I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
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