I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
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