I wannas sexs uuuuu
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Sorry about my life...
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
