Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
