i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Randomize
