I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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