Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I look better un-naked...
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
