My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
