I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil