wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
