The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM