I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?