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Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
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