I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
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I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
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He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture