How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
