who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i love accidental penises.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
