right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
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can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
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The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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