Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Randomize