i can't believe i had my finger in that
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
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did i walk over a car last night?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
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Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
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