I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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