he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
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It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
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Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
whose parrot is this?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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