So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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