somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
