He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
