This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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