I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize