defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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