using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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