can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize