haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
