My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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