So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Lo siento on account of my penis...
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
