she kept yelling 'call me bella'
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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