Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
