he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize