I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
sarcasm needs its own font
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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