There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
