I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Randomize
