don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
