naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
