did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
