I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
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