I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
