Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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