Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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