Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
