I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
