So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
