I think I won the penis lottery.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I have already put on my inside pants.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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