Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
