Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
