areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
