...so i touched it.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize