I saw his package. It spoke to me.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Randomize
