How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
