I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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