it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
