he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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