I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
