I would go down on you faster than GM stock
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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