She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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