9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
