We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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