It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
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