Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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