dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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