Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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